


Wake Me Up When September Ends

by Lady_Iwaizumi



Series: Iwaoi Stories [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Baby Names, Coach!Oikawa, Cuddles, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Green Day - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Kisses, Light depression, M/M, Married Couple, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Oneshot, Pain, Pet Names, Post Mpreg, Pregnancy, Self-Doubt, Slice of Life, Song fic, Survivor Guilt, Tragedy, is that a thing?, iwachan makes things better, rough times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 06:39:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12600544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Iwaizumi/pseuds/Lady_Iwaizumi
Summary: In late July, Iwaizumi and Oikawa were beyond happy. Tooru finally revealed that he was two-months pregnant with their first child, and the couple couldn't have felt happier as they excitedly spent the first month readying a space-themed baby room for their child.In late August, Iwaizumi and Oikawa were beyond heartbroken. After three-months of carrying their baby...Tooru lost it. He lost their child.Now in early September, Iwaizumi the almost-father reflects on the recent tragedy, and wonders if they'll be okay once the month is over; more importantly, Hajime wonders if the love of his life will be okay, and if he'll ever be able to forgive his body, and himself, for depriving he and his husband of a family.





	Wake Me Up When September Ends

**Author's Note:**

> Sad oneshot...idk why...but I promise I don't make meaningless angst just to injure your heart. It'll have good meaning in the end. Don't wanna leave your souls hanging.  
> Thanks for reading, as always

 

_Summer has come and past,_

_The innocent can never last…_

_Wake me up, when September ends_

 

It had been two-weeks since tragedy struck the Iwaizumi home.

Now in the first week of September, Hajime had never felt so tired, so eager for the month to be over already; he thought that maybe if they got past the date when the baby was supposed to be born, late February, everything would be okay. If not, Iwaizumi hoped everything at least _seemed_ okay, because right now, it was painfully obvious that their small, but spacious light blue home in Aobajousai was too quiet, too undisturbed, too stoic, and much too normal. He wanted September to be over already, so they could move forward and get past February. Go through the motions. Every move they made was going through the motions. Even at work, though many of the staff didn’t know the truth about Iwaizumi’s tragedy, they noticed a stiffness, a stillness about their co-worker that made them weary and cautious about speaking to him; only his closest friends Hanamaki and Matsukawa knew the truth, because they were to be the child’s godparents. They had a cute plan to tell their families, but never got the chance to go through with those plans.

Currently, Iwaizumi was driving back from his job on a Friday evening, radio turned down, windows rolled tightly up, air shut off. He hadn’t stopped thinking about Tooru, his poor Tooru, and how he must have felt this past week, being all alone, since he convinced Hajime that he couldn’t miss more than five days of work just because of him. His husband argued that he definitely could, and he would do whatever he wanted to make sure Oikawa was okay, which then lead to a silent dispute that ended with more tears.

 

As much as Iwaizumi hated crying, he had been doing a lot of it since September began.

 

August, at least up until the last week, had been happy, he remembered…they were planning for the baby excitedly, gushing over colors for the room, what kind of cradle they wanted, what _names_ they wanted—Tooru had a list of only four, two girl names, two boy names, but those four were all difficult to choose from, because Hajime loved every single one.

Now with September here…all of those names were ruined. They were ruined, because every single time they looked at that list, they would be reminded not of the baby they had now, but of the one they lost all those years ago. Those beautiful names were all ruined, because September was a living nightmare.

 

Of course, that was only _one_ of the reasons Iwaizumi cried in the shower every night; he tried not to think about it now, and pulled into the driveway, wishing he would see a change in the month, and look up to watch Tooru jog towards him with that shit-eating grin on his face, greeting his husband cheekily, but with none the less love. Instead of that happening, Iwaizumi found himself sitting in the car, his eyes zoned-out on the dashboard, hands on his lap uselessly; _don’t think about it_ , he tried to tell himself, though the attempt was in vain. _Don’t think about the baby…_

 

Rewinding back two-weeks, Hajime thought about the day he found out about Tooru’s miscarriage.

 

“Iwaizumi-san?”

“Yeah?”

“Your husband is on line three.”

“Okay, thanks.”

The intern nodded her head and Iwaizumi turned to grab the phone on his desk, inavertedly grinning as he clicked the Line 3 button—he loved when Tooru called him at work. He never admitted the fact or told anyone, but he really did enjoy hearing Oikawa’s voice when he was at work; as much as that whiney, arrogant tone irritated him to no end, he had grown accustomed to hearing it throughout the day, so whenever he got the chance to call or be called by his husband, Hajime took advantage.

“Hey Crappykawa. What’s up?”

A startling sob on the other end made Iwaizumi stiffen and sit straight-up in his chair. He hadn’t meant to sound sincere when he said Crappykawa…didn’t Tooru know that he didn’t mean it in a mean way? He called him that since junior high, you’d think he would understand…

“C-Can you c-come ho-home?” A strained, totally foreign voice _begged_ into the phone.

“What’s wrong?” Hajime said in alarm, heart jumping into hyper-drive. “Are you hurt? Are you okay?”

There were more gasps and cries on the other end, sending severe pains through Iwaizumi’s chest as he tried to have patience with Oikawa, trying to think of reasons why his husband could be so hysterical and overwhelmed. He was taking time off from coaching, so he couldn’t be stressed about that…could he?

“J-Just… _please_ come home.” Tooru begged again. The ace had ever heard Oikawa cry in such a way. “P-Please, Iwa-chan, please… _please_ _come home_ …”

“Don’t move—I’ll be there in a few minutes, okay? Don’t go anywhere. Understand, Tooru?”

 

The only answer he received was a blubbering thank-you that couldn’t even be finished because another wave of tears had taken over his husband’s throat. Hajime didn’t bother hanging-up, threw his jacket on, told the intern he had a family emergency, and bolted out the front door of the building.

 

Iwaizumi came straight home as Oikawa asked; he was met with a sight he would never forget. Tooru was standing in the middle of the entryway, covering his face as he tried to recover from sobbing to his heart’s content, body struggling between wanting to rush to his husband, his best friend and past teammate, and wanting to collapse onto the ground and throw a huge fit until he blacked-out. His long limbs were trembling under the pressure, and Iwaizumi forced himself to stay still, to wait for Tooru to give an explanation—he did a quick check of Oikawa’s body, seeing that he wasn’t bleeding, wasn’t limping or convulsing…

 _What the hell is going on?_ He wondered.

“Iwa…Iwa…”

Oikawa was trying so hard to speak, but the choking sensation in his throat only allowed a few weak syllables as he continued to hide his face; Hajime watched his body language carefully, trying to determine whether or not he should rush over to the love of his life, or if he should stay put and watch the battle go down—Tooru’s pride, his strong, stupid pride, was hovering in-between, balancing in the middle of confidence and guilt. Iwaizumi didn’t understand it, but when he saw Oikawa’s right hand twitch forward, he ran to his husband and unborn child protectively, wrapping his arms around Tooru and hugging him close; the small bump felt so warm against his upper torso, he didn’t even mind the fact that his old teammate was still taller than him…

There was a long, brutally long silence between the two as the former volleyball captain jolted and shivered in Iwaizumi’s arms, caught within his own mind and heart, not wanting to break his husband’s heart like the baby had broken his. Of course it wasn’t his fault, but…

 

Well…what if it WAS?

 

Tooru opened his mouth, then closed it, then let out a harsh wail and forced the words through his lips in a whisper so fragile Hajime barely heard.

 

“ _I lost it_.”

 

“………what?” Iwaizumi breathed, eyes wide and staring at the wall.

 

“Th…th-the _baby_!” Tooru yelped into his husband’s chest. “I lost the baby! Our baby…o-our little boy or girl…I…I…”

His voice jumped back into a fierce, angry hiss, and his grip tightened on Hajime’s arms.

“It’s _gone_ ………o-our baby’s fucking _gone_ , Hajime……a-after three fucking months, it…it…”

“But…” Iwaizumi began slowly, not comprehending. “But it’s…it’s right here, in between us…it’s right here, Tooru, so how can it be…be gone?”

“It just is!!!” Oikawa screamed into his chest, making the other flinch. “It _died_ , Iwa-chan, it just _died_ while it…while it’s _still_ …while it’s still………”

Apparently, Tooru’s stomach had felt weird all night, like the baby had been moved into a strange position or something, so he went to the doctor just to make sure everything was okay, that they wouldn’t need to have an emergency C-section because of the positioning—as it turns out, the heartbreaking tragedy had literally taken place overnight: the umbilical cord somehow got wrapped around the baby’s neck, cutting off its air and destroying whatever chances it had of getting oxygen. After only three-months, their dream, their future was gone with the wind.

 

Just like that.

 

_Here comes the rain again,_

_Falling from the stars…_

_Drenched in my pain again,_

_Becoming who we are_

 

Tooru cried for five-days straight after that; for most of the days Iwaizumi took off work, he spent his time cradling his poor husband as Oikawa rubbed his tummy, willing their baby to come back, asking why they left, why they didn’t want to join their little family. Eventually those pleads became too much for both of them, and Oikawa stuck to his sobbing up until the day arrived when the doctor would be surgically removing the unborn baby from his stomach. In Iwaizumi’s opinion, that was the worst day of August—the 31st, when they had to drive to the hospital not to have their child, but to fucking suck the poor thing out of his father’s stomach, unborn, without a heartbeat, without a cry to bless his parents’ ears with…

Yeah. That was definitely the worst day.

 

And yet…September had started out even worse than that day.

 

Hajime didn’t let his eyes follow the imaginary movement of his husband coming to greet him, and felt his heart sink a little more when he realized that keeping his head down wouldn’t stop him from knowing that Oikawa wouldn’t come outside to say hello and give him a welcome-back kiss. Since he lost the baby, he hadn’t been greeting much of anyone.

Iwaizumi’s steps became heavier and heavier each day as he went up the front steps, opening the door to their home quietly, as to not disturb or startle his grieving husband; he slipped his work shoes off and hung up his jacket, creeping around the corner of the entryway to see where Tooru was hiding.

Hearing noise from the kitchen, Iwaizumi walked a little further, and leaned against the doorframe of the room.

Oikawa didn’t even hear his husband come in, didn’t hear him shuffle and lean his shoulder against the entrance of the kitchen; he just kept cooking over his pan, eyes trained on the contents, but not focused on their color and shapes. His mind was always somewhere else, a place Iwaizumi wasn’t able to reach in the past two-weeks, ever since August ended and September began. Hajime wanted to know what his husband was thinking, if he was still blaming himself, or if his mind was just too jumbled with so many different views that he wasn’t even able to function correctly; many times throughout his weekends off, the ace would find himself having to put Tooru’s socks on for him because his eyes had gotten that blank stare to them, and sometimes, he would have to help Oikawa take a drink from his cup, because even though his eyes were clear, his head was not, and he wasn’t able to do normal tasks anymore.

Of course, Tooru wasn’t the only one with a shattered world.

Iwaizumi’s pain derived from his “what if” questions that never ended; he would keep asking himself, “Well, what if the baby had lived” and “Well, what if we had done something differently…” While it was a nightmare inside Oikawa’s mind, Hajime’s was a war. He battled between telling himself to suck it up and telling himself to cry it all out, which he did sometimes, when he stopped showering with his husband after September hit, and Tooru said he wanted to be alone for a while, even though he was already alone whenever Iwa-chan went to work…Iwaizumi cried then, because that way, he could tell himself those weren’t tears on his cheeks, they were just warm droplets of water.

 

Still, crying didn’t help ease the pain.

 

_As my memory rests,_

_But never forgets what I lost…_

_Wake me up, when September ends_

 

Iwaizumi watched his husband fondly for a long ten-minutes, not making a sound, as to not disturb Tooru’s cooking funk; his body looked more relaxed than it had in two-weeks, so Hajime made sure his breaths were silent as he admired the paleness of Oikawa’s skin, his envious height that added to the worthless pride Iwaizumi loved so much, the suave flip of his chocolate brown hair that felt oh so velvety in-between Hajime’s fingers…

He was still very beautiful. Even without his confident glow, even though the toneness of his abs was less noticeable because of the tiny baby bump that used to be there…he was very, very beautiful, and still as sexy as ever. As Iwaizumi began to admire the strong shoulders underneath the teal t-shirt, he realized that today was the day Oikawa returned to coaching junior high volleyball again—his nephew was on the team, and he was working his way up to varsity level in Aobajousai. They had a minor argument about that the first week of September, Hajime insisting his husband wasn’t ready for the questions, the concerned looks of the students as they wondered, but never went out and asked…he was sure Tooru would fold under that kind of pressure, and the last thing the ex-pregnant young man needed was more stress on top of a miscarriage. Oikawa insisted he would be fine, that he needed a distraction or else he was going to go insane, and they went to bed frustrated and fed-up, only to wake-up in the comfort of each other’s arms again. Now, Iwaizumi was kind of glad Tooru had went against his wishes; it was nice to know that when he was at work, he wouldn’t have to call the house every two-hours to make sure his husband was okay, that he hadn’t become suicidal or wasn’t just bumming around on the couch watching shows about babies.

 _He’s too handsome_ , Iwaizumi thought, a tiny smile coming to his lips. _How can legs be so attractive? And why am I not envious of his height like I used to be? Now…I find it adorable and sexy, not infuriating? How times change…_

 

It took Tooru a while to feel the other presence in the room; when he did acknowledge it, his husband was already crossing the kitchen and heading over to him.

 

“Iw—”

 

Oikawa didn’t get another syllable out before his head was turned slowly, Hajime’s lips pressing against his lightly, softly, but enough to where he could feel the love through the sweet contact. Iwaizumi couldn’t remember any of the times they kissed during late August…he savored this memory, and made sure he kept his intentions gentle and loving, because coming across as horny in this part of their relationship could be fatal. Truthfully, Hajime had wanted to caress every inch of Tooru’s body after the baby was removed, after the funeral they had with just the two of them, but he knew that kind of comforting body worship would have to wait a while. He didn’t mind. He just wanted his husband to feel okay again.

Hajime pulled his lips away from Oikawa’s quietly, but pressed one extra on before wrapping his arms around the setter’s waist, settling himself directly behind his form, sharing warmth from both of their heartbeats.

“How was practice?” Iwaizumi asked lowly, glancing at his husband as he rested his chin on the other’s shoulder. He had to be on his tip-toes to do it, but he hoped that might make Tooru laugh.

“…It was good.” Oikawa nodded, giving Hajime a strange look. “The kids were all happy to see me. They had really great energy today, too, so that’s a good sign for the rest of the season.”

“Cool. Did you show um how it’s done, then?”

Tooru gave only half-a-smile, but that was more than he had managed in the past three-weeks, so Iwaizumi took what he could.

“Of course I did, Iwa-chan. Are you forgetting who you’re married to?”

“Just making sure.”

 

Hajime comment didn’t have any bite to it, and the pair fell into a hushed silence, only the sizzling vegetables and meat in the pan making any type of noise in the entire house. Both of them stared into the pan, but for once, their eyes weren’t zoned-out and glazed over with haunting memories; Oikawa was trying to decode his husband’s behavior, and guiltily trying to remember if he had accidently been ignoring Iwa-chan’s feelings in favor of his sorrow. Hajime was just there, holding and cherishing the warmth he felt, admiring the setter’s fingers holding the spatula, who, even after all this time, after graduating college, getting married, buying a small house, were still the same. They still had the same creases in the fingertips from millions of setting drills, the same length that could send the ball spinning or still to an exact location…Iwaizumi missed those hands. He missed them touching him, and holding his own hand, and even missed when those fingertips would relentlessly poke his cheeks when they were eating because Oikawa thought it was funny to feel the food in his husband’s mouth when he ate because it reminded him of a chipmunk.

He missed a lot of things that had went away after the miscarriage. Most of all, he missed Tooru. Tooru missed Iwa-chan in the same heat, but didn’t know how to say, or what to do to make up for the lost time of September, so when his husband opened his mouth again, he let him speak, and listened intently for the first time in weeks.

 

“You know, Tooru…” Iwaizumi began slowly, quietly, in a tone that eased Oikawa’s nerves immediately. “It might always hurt us to think about this experience—well, I know it’ll _always_ hurt to think about it, no matter when or where, but…maybe when September is over…it won’t…it won’t be so bad.” He said hesitantly. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt his husband’s feelings. “So…can we hold on, Tooru? …Can we hold on until we have our own little ace to love?”

Oikawa finally turned his head then, locking eyes with Iwaizumi for what seemed like the first time in months. God…when was the last time he had admired those beautiful dark eyes? Honestly, he had been avoiding looking at Hajime because he felt like he would start seeing the face of their unborn child, how Tooru imagined it would look, a perfect combination of the two, with Iwaizumi’s eye color, maybe his height, his stockiness, but with his mother’s skin color, and his hair, and maybe a bit of his attitude to go along with Hajime’s willpower.

He _wanted_ that child. He wanted it _so badly_ …but he lost it. He lost it, and now, it was just he and his loving, grumpy, athletic husband again. They both had jobs, they had a cute little house full of volleyball props and pictures, they had a nice car, great friends, welcoming neighbors…

 

Was there really anything horribly wrong with that image?

 

“Yeah.” Tooru whispered gently.

“Yeah?” Iwaizumi hummed, tightening his grip.

“We can hold on, I think…well--I know we can hold on. I…I might slip-up time to time, but we can definitely hold on.”

“Glad to hear it.” Hajime sighed in relief.

“Maybe…maybe when September ends...” Oikawa started nervously. “We can try again?”

His husband smiled gently, and the setter took in a small breath at the sight, feeling that familiar feeling of giddiness whenever he saw that smile.

“That might be a little too soon, Tooru.” He warned gently. “But whatever you want to do, I’ll be willing to try. Sound okay?”

Oikawa couldn’t help himself. Tears sprang up in his chocolate brown orbs, and he pulled Iwaizumi as close as humanly possible, angling his face down to bury it in his husband’s neck.

 

“You’re so amazing, Iwa-chan!” He cried, smiling over his tears. “I love you so much…I love you…”

“You’re the amazing one,” Hajime replied warmly. “And I love you too, Crappykawa. More than you can ever imagine.”

“If we can make it through September,” Tooru sniffled. “I-If we can make it through then…we’ll be okay. We’ll be okay, r-right, Iwa-chan?”

“Of course.”

“P-Promise?”

Iwaizumi leaned back to plant a firm, reassuring kiss onto Oikawa’s lips; he brushed a few of his husband’s tears aside so that he knew Tooru wasn’t just looking at him, but _seeing_ him as he answered.

“ _Promise_.”

“ _Iwa-chan_ …I’m sorry, Iwa-chan…”

 

Tooru dropped the spatula and placed his hands on Hajime’s shoulders, pulling him closer and closer and closer until almost no part of them wasn’t touching—Iwaizumi had never been happier to be with his teammate, to be there responding to his pain, being allowed to hold him as he took a very _tiny_ step to recovering from the tragedy. Oikawa knew seeing that baby room for the first time was going to make him sob again. He knew he wouldn’t be able to use any of the names from the baby name list, and that he would have to stop picturing their baby every time he looked at Iwaizumi, because that just wasn’t the right way to go.

In July, Tooru remembered how they could never stop smiling at each other. How they never stopped being excited and brought to tears by the idea of their own child, one that shared both characteristics from each of them…

In August, Tooru remembered how excitement had been shoved into grief and sorrow so quickly neither of them even had time to break the fall.

In September, Tooru remembered nothing but tears. He didn’t really remember doing everyday things, and he didn’t remember kissing Iwaizumi, or smiling, or really doing anything nice…he didn’t even remember the last meal he cooked for Iwa-chan, and that’s why he decided to do it today. He hadn’t started to recover yet. Not even close. But with Hajime here, being so nice to him, even though he hadn’t given him any attention in the past few weeks, probably causing his poor husband even more grief, which hurt Oikawa more than words could explain…

 

Maybe, _just_ maybe…once September ended…they could start all over.

 

_Ring out the bells again,_

_Like we did when spring began,_

_Wake me up, when September ends_

**Author's Note:**

> The pain will all be eased with my next Iwaoi fantasy oneshot, in which Iwaoi has a child together
> 
> Only...one of them doesn't know it...


End file.
